“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” - Oscar Wilde

As I mentioned in my very first post, I intend to blog on a number of subjects other than my primary interests of Internet marketing and search engine optimization (SEO).

In this post, I want to touch on a subject that is related to Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) but more about personal development and the perception of reality while at the same time explaining why ‘It is as it is’ is the subhead of this blog and why I close off most of my posts using the same phrase.

This post discusses a subject that is, for some, a little subjective and maybe a touch radical so I give you fair warning to stop reading now if these types of subjects offend you. I can’t promise you won’t learn something if you keep reading but you will have to read on to find out.

Early on in my NLP training, it became painfully obvious that I would need to redefine my perception of meaning and truth and how my thinking of those things can affect my state and my preparedness to take responsibility for what happens in my life (or not).

Have you ever thought about why something is said to be true or consciously thought about what the things that happen to you actually mean for you? Don’t worry, most people don’t think about these things which is why we are said to be ‘unconscious’ most of the time.

A standard definition of the truth is that it is a fact that has been verified. But to verify something it needs to be quantifiable or observable which is what leads to the maxim that you will believe something if you see it with your own eyes. The seeing of something leads to it’s verification. Of course some truths are socially accepted (like the 10 commandments etc) but what I want to discuss are those truths or meanings that are hard to quantify or verify some of which are important to you and your ability to take action.

I am of the belief that there is no such thing as an absolute truth; I believe that truth is subjective…it often depends on the view point of the observer that is YOU.

So what, you might say?

Well, to me, this is important because if you also believe what I believe, you will take more responsibility for what is true or false in your life and, more importantly, responsibility for deciding what things mean for YOU.

We are said to develop most of our personality and character traits by the age of four (4). But our ability to judge or think logically about truth and meaning doesn’t develop until much later. This means that at a young age you accept the things that other people say about you (mainly your parents) as the truth without challenge. For those of you that were told and believed you couldn’t draw or weren’t very good at sport did you ever stop to challenge whether that was actually true for you now. The fact is we had no choice when we were young but when you grow up and become an adult, you don’t need to accept what other people say about you without challenge. It is possible to determine your own perceptions about what is and what is not true for you.

Far to often, we allow our perception of truth and meaning to be influenced or even usurped by societal norms or by what somebody else thinks that something means. The fact is, if something happens to you, very often only YOU can establish the truths associated with what happened and only YOU can determine what it means.

When you begin to do this day to day, you become free to steer away from meanings that lead you to inaction or perceptions of inadequacy. Just because somebody tells you that something isn’t possible or offers the insight that you can’t do something doesn’t mean it is true for YOU. When someone shares those de-motivating thoughts with you (be it your family, your partner your friends or society in general) they are not telling you anything about you only about themselves. They are telling you that THEY can’t do it but doing so in a way that allows them to save face while not admitting to you something they believe about themselves.

Your responsibility to yourself is to determine what is true for YOU and what things mean for YOU. The more you do this, the more you will realise the limitations that society and other people place upon you when you don’t take responsibility for your own thoughts. Think about this…think about how often you allow yourself to accept what someone else thinks about something and think how easy it is to just go with the flow. It is hard to think for yourself but it is a MUST.

And so to the phrase it is as it is.

When I first began to think along the lines of what I’m discussing in this post, I began to realise that the first thing I must do was to become conscious of the things that happen independent of any meaning that may be ascribed to thing that happened. The phrase it is as it is is a verbal trigger that causes me to do this. When I say this to myself or others (and those of you that know me well will surely know how often I do say this) I am forcing myself and hopefully others to become conscious of something that has happened. After I become conscious, I then accept full responsibility to determine what (if any) meaning is necessary in relation to the thing that happened. It is critical I do this because I’m acutely aware that if I give something a negative meaning then this will very likely lead to inaction and blame seeking. But how is that useful? Most of the time it is not.

So when I use the phrase it is as it is and become conscious, I do my utmost to ascribe a positive meaning to what has happened or at least try to determine something positive from whatever has happened. By doing this I empower myself to move forward and in a positive manner. Ascribing blame is useless unless a lesson can be learnt so as to prevent a negative thing from happening again. I don’t wait for someone else to determine what the things that happen to me mean and I try, always, not to blame others or other things for whatever happens to me.

Now I realise this may all be a heap of mumbo jumbo to you but I do hope you can extract some truth from these words for YOU. I can only offer the perception that taking responsibility for deciding the meaning behind the things that happen to you is a good thing to do. With practice you will become infinitely more pro-active and and you will find yourself able to easily motivate yourself and focus on the positive because you no longer need to hear it from others before you take action. If you grasp the meaning behind this post, you will understand that a lot of the time it doesn’t matter (to you) what somebody else thinks is true because that only means something for them…not for you.

So when something happens to you, good or bad, make sure YOU decide what it means. And try to look for the positive because when you do, you empower yourself to keep trying…to keep looking for the path to success in all things.

It is as it is.

GuruBob

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“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” - Wayne Dyer

In an earlier post on the Four Stages of Competence, I mentioned that a key driver for you to move from one stage of competence to the next is your motivation. I want to explore the definition of motivation at length in this post and discuss it’s importance in relation to setting goals and the need for rewards/penalties.

Looked at logically, it seems easy. Let us say that you had a desire to succeed with Internet Marketing, you would set appropriate goals and assuming that the reward that you would achieve when you reach your goals is desirable enough, then you would be easily motivated to do the work to learn and implement them.

But I’m sure like me you have set out to do this in the past and failed…perhaps many times.

Why does this happen?

Part of the reason might be a lack of understanding of your principle motivation system and what you personally need to achieve goals.

As it turns out, there are two main types of motivation; one is ‘towards’ something you want (your goals for instance) and the other is ‘away from’ something you don’t want (fear of failure or loss or ridicule). We all have elements of both types of motivation within us but if you are predominatly driven by an ‘away from’ motivation, then the lure of a desirable goal may not be enough to get you to take action and implement in the face of experiencing something you don’t want. Fear of failure, loss of certainty and potential for ridicule or embarrasment are powerful drivers and they make it easy for somebody to give up on a goal half way through or prevent them from getting started in the first place.

This is the classical carrot and stick scenario.  What makes the donkey move, the desire to get the carrot or to avoid the stick.

So what can you do?

Well if you happen to be predominantly towards motivated (as most entrepreneurs are) the possibility of NOT achieving the goal is a sufficent penalty to keep that person on track. They are driven by the need to achieve because failing is not an option and they crave the reward that comes with success.

For an away from motivated person, however, the penalty needs to change from being goal focussed to a self imposed penalty (real not imagined) that you will impose on yourself if you don’t stick to the plan and keep working towards the goal. The away from motivated person needs to feel that the penalty of not working towards the goal is worse than giving up.

This can be hard to do, it requires real discipline, so you may need to garner the involvement of your partner or significant other to hold you to your self imposed penalty.  And make it real, make sure the penalty is tangible and significant, something that you would hate to lose if you decide to give up or not follow through.

The main thing here is to be absolutely honest with yourself. It is very easy to say that we are towards motivated but the reality is that most people are not, they are mainly away from motivated expecially in something as important as Internet Marketing where success is measured against your current income earning capacity. It is very easy when faced with inevitable set backs to fall back on what you already have, however much you think you would prefer something different.

The other aspect of being away from motivated is that it provides very little energy or direction to push you forward. Often, no matter how hard you try to avoid the things you don’t want, you seem to contine to attract these things. Listen to your ‘internal dialogue’…are you mainly focussed on what you don’t want or or fearful of what might happen if you fail? Then you might be away from motivated and it is critical you take this into consideration when preparing to start a new endeavour.

But don’t worry, you CAN change. Recognise your motivation system for what it is and put measures in place to increase the probability that you will set clear goals and that you will take positive action towards those goals.

It is…as it is.

GuruBob

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