It Is As It Is
Posted on February 17, 2010 by GuruBob
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” - Oscar Wilde
As I mentioned in my very first post, I intend to blog on a number of subjects other than my primary interests of Internet marketing and search engine optimization (SEO).
In this post, I want to touch on a subject that is related to Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) but more about personal development and the perception of reality while at the same time explaining why ‘It is as it is’ is the subhead of this blog and why I close off most of my posts using the same phrase.
This post discusses a subject that is, for some, a little subjective and maybe a touch radical so I give you fair warning to stop reading now if these types of subjects offend you. I can’t promise you won’t learn something if you keep reading but you will have to read on to find out.
Early on in my NLP training, it became painfully obvious that I would need to redefine my perception of meaning and truth and how my thinking of those things can affect my state and my preparedness to take responsibility for what happens in my life (or not).
Have you ever thought about why something is said to be true or consciously thought about what the things that happen to you actually mean for you? Don’t worry, most people don’t think about these things which is why we are said to be ‘unconscious’ most of the time.
A standard definition of the truth is that it is a fact that has been verified. But to verify something it needs to be quantifiable or observable which is what leads to the maxim that you will believe something if you see it with your own eyes. The seeing of something leads to it’s verification. Of course some truths are socially accepted (like the 10 commandments etc) but what I want to discuss are those truths or meanings that are hard to quantify or verify some of which are important to you and your ability to take action.
I am of the belief that there is no such thing as an absolute truth; I believe that truth is subjective…it often depends on the view point of the observer that is YOU.
So what, you might say?
Well, to me, this is important because if you also believe what I believe, you will take more responsibility for what is true or false in your life and, more importantly, responsibility for deciding what things mean for YOU.
We are said to develop most of our personality and character traits by the age of four (4). But our ability to judge or think logically about truth and meaning doesn’t develop until much later. This means that at a young age you accept the things that other people say about you (mainly your parents) as the truth without challenge. For those of you that were told and believed you couldn’t draw or weren’t very good at sport did you ever stop to challenge whether that was actually true for you now. The fact is we had no choice when we were young but when you grow up and become an adult, you don’t need to accept what other people say about you without challenge. It is possible to determine your own perceptions about what is and what is not true for you.
Far to often, we allow our perception of truth and meaning to be influenced or even usurped by societal norms or by what somebody else thinks that something means. The fact is, if something happens to you, very often only YOU can establish the truths associated with what happened and only YOU can determine what it means.
When you begin to do this day to day, you become free to steer away from meanings that lead you to inaction or perceptions of inadequacy. Just because somebody tells you that something isn’t possible or offers the insight that you can’t do something doesn’t mean it is true for YOU. When someone shares those de-motivating thoughts with you (be it your family, your partner your friends or society in general) they are not telling you anything about you only about themselves. They are telling you that THEY can’t do it but doing so in a way that allows them to save face while not admitting to you something they believe about themselves.
Your responsibility to yourself is to determine what is true for YOU and what things mean for YOU. The more you do this, the more you will realise the limitations that society and other people place upon you when you don’t take responsibility for your own thoughts. Think about this…think about how often you allow yourself to accept what someone else thinks about something and think how easy it is to just go with the flow. It is hard to think for yourself but it is a MUST.
And so to the phrase it is as it is.
When I first began to think along the lines of what I’m discussing in this post, I began to realise that the first thing I must do was to become conscious of the things that happen independent of any meaning that may be ascribed to thing that happened. The phrase it is as it is is a verbal trigger that causes me to do this. When I say this to myself or others (and those of you that know me well will surely know how often I do say this) I am forcing myself and hopefully others to become conscious of something that has happened. After I become conscious, I then accept full responsibility to determine what (if any) meaning is necessary in relation to the thing that happened. It is critical I do this because I’m acutely aware that if I give something a negative meaning then this will very likely lead to inaction and blame seeking. But how is that useful? Most of the time it is not.
So when I use the phrase it is as it is and become conscious, I do my utmost to ascribe a positive meaning to what has happened or at least try to determine something positive from whatever has happened. By doing this I empower myself to move forward and in a positive manner. Ascribing blame is useless unless a lesson can be learnt so as to prevent a negative thing from happening again. I don’t wait for someone else to determine what the things that happen to me mean and I try, always, not to blame others or other things for whatever happens to me.
Now I realise this may all be a heap of mumbo jumbo to you but I do hope you can extract some truth from these words for YOU. I can only offer the perception that taking responsibility for deciding the meaning behind the things that happen to you is a good thing to do. With practice you will become infinitely more pro-active and and you will find yourself able to easily motivate yourself and focus on the positive because you no longer need to hear it from others before you take action. If you grasp the meaning behind this post, you will understand that a lot of the time it doesn’t matter (to you) what somebody else thinks is true because that only means something for them…not for you.
So when something happens to you, good or bad, make sure YOU decide what it means. And try to look for the positive because when you do, you empower yourself to keep trying…to keep looking for the path to success in all things.
It is as it is.
About GuruBob
This blog is published by Robert Somerville (aka GuruBob) a full-time Internet Marketer and Co-creator, Strategist and Head of Research and Development for The Challenge (formerly the Thirty Day Challenge - 30DC).
Discussion: 9 Comments
Sean B.
- 18th Feb, 10 04:02pm
GuruBob,
yes you are 100% correct on this issue. in that a lot of people who suffer from back pain, failure (they didn’t get up or do the same thing repeatedly) or can’t do something have “issues”. This is provided they don’t have some disability (genetic or physical). It is positive talk that can overcome many barriers.
I would recommend “The Six Pillars Of Self Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden. If anyone reading this comment thinks it is about touchy feely stuff…. well that is your impression but I can tell you it will open your mind to what this whole post is really about. IE… not about touchy feely stuff but about a logical no kidding way of dealing with life…. that you don’t learn in school or on the street…. Just my 2cents… thanks GuruBob
Brian D. Shelton
- 19th Feb, 10 02:02am
Cheers, Bob! A great post on taking control of the only thing we truly have control over – our mind!
“There is nothing neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare
Mark Rudder
- 21st Feb, 10 03:02pm
I appreciate your topic, but might I elaborate.?
When you say,
“I am of the belief that there is no such thing as an absolute truth; I believe that truth is subjective…it often depends on the view point of the observer that is YOU.”,
I appreciate what you are saying but I feel you are mixing apples and oranges.
There are absolute truths that are verifiable.
Maybe sunshine is a truth. That’s the apple.
I don’t think it’s just my perception that makes the sun exist.
The orange is subjective truth.
What people say about you or things that happen to you is subjective to the extent that you believe it and act on it and then it becomes true to you.
I am a good ball player, for example.
It may be true or it may not be true, but it will become true if you accept it.
Cultures also have certain beliefs that may or may not be based on truth.
Getting a job at the factory, for example.
Their perception/belief is that factory jobs are a good thing.
Is that a truth? No.
It may be good for some but not for others.
I agree that we should always challenge our beliefs, especially those imposed by others.
Also, I’m not sure that meaning can always be derived from things that happen to us.
I mean, stuff happens.
We can however, try to learn some lesson from the issues of life.
The only way to truly change is to change what we think.
Bass Guitar Lessons
- 22nd Feb, 10 06:02pm
Hi Guru Bob,
I have enjoyed your take of things from ever since I first heard of you – back when your name started to show up in the 30DC.
You’ve always had a better way of explaining things than others, and your videos really make the Thirty Day Challenge so much greater. They are well detailed, just packed full of USABLE information – surpassing the content provided by the somewhat wordy Ed, and far easier to understand and implement than Dan’s stuff.
Don’t get me wrong, your a brilliant team, but you really ‘make’ the whole thing for me – and I was so glad to hear you have your own blog.
Thank you, truly.
Mia
- 28th Feb, 10 05:02pm
I have a similar (but different) mantra: Life unfolds to the better way.
I believe — to a large degree — it is how we choose to see it.
I’m echoing Brian a bit there, I guess, and Willie the Shake, too… what good company here at your pad!
I just wanted to take a moment to let you know I enjoy your thoughts, GuruBob…
Lara W.
- 28th Feb, 10 06:02pm
Hi GuruBob,
Excellent post! I was recently thinking about this topic myself from a different angle Except from the other perspective, not believing what others say about me, but believing my own opinion of someone else, and how my brain constantly works to support that opinion. I have always thought of my mom as an irresponsible person, and have become the “adult” in the relationship with her. She’s just one of those types that is often late, always getting lost, etc. I have a lot of “evidence” to support this opinion, and I could literally bring to memory dozens if not hundreds of examples that support my opinion that my mom is irresponsible.It’s like my brain is a filing system-I have memories all sorted and filed under “mom is irresponsible” When I was thinking about how my brain works, how it sorts through these items and categoriizes them, I came to the horrifying realization that my mother actually provides me with frequent examples of her being “responsible” but since those don’t fit into my category of who she is, my brain actually disregards those examples. So each time my mom does something that supports my opinion of her, my brain files that away as “evidence” while each time she does something that doesn’t support my opinion of her, my brain throws that away since there is no file for “my mom being a responsible person.” I was really horrified when I realized that by continuing this pattern of thinking, I am actually contributing to it being “true” from both her perspective and mine. Even though I have become aware of this, it is such an established pattern that is hard to break. I love the idea of using a phrase to remind myself to be aware. It’s interesting to look at all my own perceptions of myself, and reconsider who I want to be, how I want to be. It’s incredibly liberating when you realize you can determine your own truth. Thanks GuruBob!
Vitaly Makarkin
- 11th Mar, 10 03:03am
What a great post. It’s very interesting topic for me. My source of information are: “The Secret” movie, videos (most likely from youtube) Fred Alan Wolf, Dalai Lama. I’m became in very exciting feelings when I watching them.
When I looking what I thinking one year ago and what is now. It’s a two big difference persons.
I wish sometimes speaking live, with them and actually with 30dc team as well as other internet marketers.
Vitaly
Mike Noone
- 13th Mar, 10 07:03am
Hi Rob,
What you say is 100% correct.
It is not just about what is though.
The way that the human brain is wired is that we experience something ( sensory input ) and then we make a decision about what that input means.
We are of course free to make any decision that we choose but usually the decision is based on previous wiring that we received at an earlier stage in our life. Those earlier decisions are, to a large extent, based on what we are EXPECTED to believe by our peers parents and society at large.
There is a physiological basis to this behaviour. In 1995 researchers at Palma University in Italy, discovered a type of brain cell in monkeys which are now called mirror neurons.
These cells are responsible for our skill in creating rapport. In monkeys and primates ( and that includes humans ) these cells cause us to “copy” the physical actions of others and will also over time cause you to “copy” or adjust the accent of others around you.
This is in part the reason for our “success” as a species. Cooperation is, in fact, hard wired into the human brain.
The interesting question is this.
If people want to be successful why do they choose to hang out with people who do not display the thoughts and actions that they want and need to create the success they seek?
The answer to this is complex and also simple. I’ll save the answer for another post.
It’s one of the things that NLP trainers do. We create curiosity which increases attention. That’s why all of the best dramas end on a cliff hanger.
Michael
PS Who really shot JR ?
Mike at Hypnotherapy Bristol
- 15th Mar, 10 07:03am
Finally,
I have found a place where I can shoot the breeze about IM, Newsnight Review and psychobable and not bore everyone sh1tless. well hopefully not.